Disclaimer

I'm not a therapist or relationship guru.

I've hurt people,

And I've been hurt.

I’m a self-proclaimed people-pleaser in recovery,

Someone who's messed up,

Faced many ugly truths about my hypocritical self,

And found a surprising path to stronger, more authentic connections.

All thanks to self-respect and setting boundaries.

As I slowly uncovered my own psychology and boundaries,

Mutual respect and trust for induvial boundaries transformed my relationships.

(Especially the one I had with myself…)

Now, I'm learning to prioritize self-respect and boundaries,

While not apologizing for it.

I believe in—

The power in our stories,

The meaning in our struggles,

And the equanimity in our rawest vulnerabilities.

If you're on a similar journey,

Maybe my stumbles can help you find your footing.

The trust factor: It all starts here

To me, it's simple.

Healthy relationships are built on mutual trust.

(… But what does trust really mean?)

Honesty & Transparency

Being honest about our feelings, even the messy ones, takes guts.

Bottling things up only leads to resentment and distance.

Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes.

You will at least have my respect.

Respect

Respect isn’t passive.

It’s an active choice we can make in every interaction—

Setting boundaries

Speaking up for ourselves

Honoring the needs of others

Choosing to listen and understand

Not taking others’ presence for granted

Prioritizing respect opens the door to deeper connections and personal growth.

Reliability

Demand reliability in your relationships.

It's not too much to ask for someone to respect YOUR time and trust.

You deserve people who show up, not those just talk a good game.

If you have friends and family you cannot depend on;

It’s time to reconsider your relationships.

(I think we all know what this means)

Don't settle for unreliable relationships.

Surround yourself with people who value your time and energy as much as you value theirs.

Remember, YOU teach people how to treat you.

WHY We crave connection

Humans seem inherently social.

Our drive to connect is a part of our evolutionary survival strategy.

Our ancestors who worked together were more likely to find food, shelter, and protection.

The neurobiology of setting limits

The Science of Stress Hormones

People with strong social connections may have lower levels of a stress hormone called interleukin-6 (IL-6) (Seeman et al., 1997).

Chronically high levels of IL-6 have been linked to an increased risk of

Stroke

Cancer

Heart Disease

Stress Buster

Saying "yes" when we want to say "NO" triggers the release of stress hormones like cortisol (Mendonça-de-Souza et. al., 2007).

The Focus Elixir

Have a million mental tabs open?

Weak boundaries exposes you to constant interruptions. (Bailey et al., 2005)

WHY We need boundaries

I used to believe self-sacrifice was the key to healthy relationships.

It's not.

It was a recipe for resentment and burnout.

True connection comes from mutual respect, not sacrifice.

Giving from a place of abundance, not scarcity, is the key to sustainable generosity.

Spotting a Boundary

(And How It Hurts Us)

1. "People Pleaser" Syndrome

I’m a recovering people-pleaser.

I mistook it for kindness, but it was really a fear of confrontation.

It took me years to realize I was harming myself and my relationships.

2. Emotional Sponge

You absorb everyone else's problems—

Even when they're NOT yours to solve.

3. The Work-Life Blur

Emails at dinner, texts in bed...

You're mentally "on-call" 24/7.

4. Energy Drain

Burnout is a state of emotional depletion, not feeling of tiredness.

If you feel like you're running on empty even after rest,

It's time to recharge and reassess.

** I'm not a burnout expert, but this video gave me a perspective and management tools (No affiliation to disclose).

Boundary Building Blocks: Real-Life Examples

1. The Sacred Hour

Block off one hour a day—

No work, no chores, no distractions.

Read, meditate, walk in the park. Recharge.

This is YOUR time. Guard it fiercely.

2. The Work Shield

Define your working hours.

Don't answer emails at midnight.

Turn off notifications when you're off the clock.

Set clear expectations with your self and colleagues.

3. The Emotional Vault

You don't owe everyone your deepest emotions.

Choose who gets access to your inner world.

Vulnerability is a gift, not an obligation.

Protect your energy. Share wisely.

Pharmer’s Perspective

Hot Take —

The healthcare system isn't designed to prioritize our well-being…

If you're a healthcare worker feeling

Overwhelmed

Exhausted

Resentful

Anxious

You’re not alone.

Research shows, emotional exhaustion, is linked to (Crawford et al., 2010)

Job dissatisfaction

Medical errors

Staff turnover

Boundaries should serve as a vaccine for our own well-being.

It ensures we can show up for our patients with

Focus

Energy

Compassion

I view boundaries as a lifeline for healthcare professionals.

They preserve our energy, sharpen our focus.

In turn, we can provide compassionate care without sacrificing our own well-being.

Start *Small**, Build* Strength

Building strong boundaries takes self-discipline.

Start with ONE small change, and notice the positive impact.

Then, try another.

Borrow from Tech

Your phone is a powerful tool, but also a distraction monster.

Start by setting ONE boundary today

Experiment with focus apps.

Set up "Do Not Disturb" hours.

Schedule focused work/personal time.

The goal is to create a mental fence around your time and attention,

To recharge and be more present in every moment.

Always, be kind to yourself.

References

Bailey, B. P., & Iqbal, S. T. (2005). Leveraging changes in mental workload during task execution to mitigate effects of interruption (Technical Report No. UIUCDCS-R-2005-2623). University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. http://hdl.handle.net/2142/11088
Crawford, E. R., LePine, J. A., & Rich, B. L. (2010). Linking job demands and resources to employee engagement and burnout: A theoretical extension and meta-analytic test. Journal of Applied Psychology, 95(5), 834–848. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0019364
Mendonça-de-Souza, A. C., Souza, G. G., Vieira, A., Fischer, N. L., Souza, W. F., Rumjanek, V. M., Figueira, I., Mendlowicz, M. V., & Volchan, E. (2007). Negative affect as a predisposing factor for cortisol release after an acute stress--the impact of unpleasant priming. Stress (Amsterdam, Netherlands), 10(4), 362–367. https://doi.org/10.1080/10253890701379999
Seeman, T. E., Singer, B. H., Rowe, J. W., Horwitz, R. I., & McEwen, B. S. (1997). Price of adaptation--allostatic load and its health consequences. MacArthur studies of successful aging. Archives of internal medicine, 157(19), 2259–2268. https://doi.org/10.1001/archinte.1997.00440400111013

Boundaries - Building Zero-Drama Connections